Broken Hearted

As a little bit of a back story - let me tell you-- I do believe Porter is a "Real Purcell Man" -- I say this because- he does not say "love" -- he doesn't say I love this-- or that- or I love you-- He has said it once- one freaking time-- I say it to him all the time-- he will look the other way - change the subject- walk away-- or poke me in the eye- but he will not say it-- the one time he did say it-- I said it- and asked him to say it back- it was a moment of weakness for him-- he said- it quick- I about cried- its never happened again!!!

So we were taking a drive on Sunday to have a picnic-- and get some wood- and if lucky - maybe some more huckleberries! (i'll post about that later!)

We always tell Porter he can get out of his car seat - once we are in the forrest-- Yes I am a dangerous mom like that!!-

So on the way up- he was playing with a water gun that Kara and Doug got for him for his birthday -- I told him Kara got that for you--he now refers to it as Kara's Gun--

Finally at the forrest he got up on my lap- loves it -- sits with his head out the window- and points out things-- then he wanted his gun-- I told him Kara knew you'd love that Gun-- he said yes!--

I said cuz Kara loves you -- he just looked at me-- Then I started in with the questions--

Does Kara Love you- Yes he says--

Does Mommy Love you -- and get out your hankies- cuz this is where it gets hard!!

He looks right at me- and says NO- Mommy goes to work!!  OOh knife into the heart- turning- twisting-- I about started bawling-- as if I didn't feel guilty enough!!!

This morning as I was driving him to Jodi's house-- he was ignoring me in the backseat-looking out the other window- the same way I do to Chet when we are driving and he's done something to piss me off--

I about started crying then- I'm about bawling now just thinking about it--

What to do--  Any one ever have their two year old rip their hear out???