There is Always Time To . . . .

I always feel rushed--

I always feel I should be moving faster

Driving Faster

Working Faster

I am not a naturally organized person - -

I am not a naturally tidy person --
don't get me wrong- I love a clean house- but I wish it would just happen - and stay cleaned-

I am not lazy -- but just not organized enough to get it all done- so therefore- I feel I am always spinning along in life--

When Porter was born-- I really really tried to slow things down- really enjoy my moments with him - knowing that they will go by so fast- -and that they might be the only moments I ever have to enjoy with a tiny baby -- (you never know right!)

I did ok- I remember sitting on the couch- staring down at him- he was probably 2 weeks old-

I was staring at him- and asking him- I don't know what it is I am supposed to be doing with you? -- I felt frustrated -- like I was doing it wrong - - silly for talking to a tiny baby - that was not responding -- and heart broke -- for the time that was slipping away - -!

I went back to work -- after only 3 weeks-(for future reference and anyone wondering- that was a bad idea!)  I went back part time- and my boss was wonderful to me- he let me pretty much come and go -- as I pleased- to work around Chet's schedule -- so that Porter could stay with one of us - most of the time.

But my spinning in my head only grew worse -- I added one more thing to my plate-- my plate of "Things I was doing poorly" --

Now I was  being a bad mom, an absentee wife, and a stressed out too tired to function employee --

I needed to slow down- but felt if I did- that all the balls that I had tossed into the air would come tumbling down --

If anything threw off my imperfect schedule- I would come unglued - - inside mostly -- trying to still maintain at least an appearance of someone that might now have a nervous break down any second!!


Some things needed to be cut out of life-- things needed to be shortened-

It was almost a race some nights- to get home - see how fast I could make dinner- and get Porter to bed--

I was losing all my precious time with my family -- because -- I had to do it faster-- !!

I am still working on this-- I am still struggling with this-- but I've learned a few things- and maybe what I've learned will help someone- even if just a little bit --

I've learned  . . .

There is always time for a long kiss good bye -- Now this sounds bad -- and please don't judge me-- sometimes in the morning when I'd be running behind (as usual )  Chet would give me a huge passionate good by kiss- and hug- that seemed to last forever- while I loved being in his arms- and feeling his lips- in the back of my head - this frustrated voice was screaming- let go of her already - don't you know she is late - - I'd feel guilty the whole way to work - for pushing away - before the kiss needed to be over - - 

Make time for those long good bye - or hello - or just walk by each other in the hall kisses - who knows when those kisses will be gone- make sure you fill up as often as possible.!

Bed Time Will Happen Eventually -- now after last weekends frustration with bed time and staying awake- I learned this- a schedule is necessary -but don't let it run your lives--

I am not about to stop playing with Porter- stop his laughing- his giggling- and his kisses- just because the clock says so-- Yes eventually it needs to be time to settle down- but don't let it get in the way of making memories- and getting all the laughter you can out of your family.

There is always time to go for a drive- whether it be with your husband, your dad-  or whoever -- take time away from doing the dishes, or mopping the floor- take time to spend with someone else-- it breaks my heart when I think about not being able to sit in the tractor with my dad- for hours on end-- although I know someday - that will happen--   So for now- other things get set aside-- I sit in the tractor- while my lawn grows- or the food on my dishes dry on - because there is no time like while driving-- to discuss things- to get to know people - or tell stories.
I want Porter to have a memory of his grandparents- and for that reason - any time I get the chance- I'd like to  have Porter spend moments sitting and enjoying the company of his family.

There is always time for the important things - - important things in life-  really get narrowed down to the following:

It is not important -- if - in 20 minutes -- it won't matter-- if in 20 days it won't matter -- if in 20 months it won't matter - --

I like to try to use that same formula for picking my battles -- (fights if you want to call them that!) 

dishes will stay dirty - I promise--
Floors will stay unswept --
Carpets will stay unvacuumed --
Laundry will stay unfolded --

But Porter won't stay little - -
Family won't stay around forever --

And you never know what the next 5 minutes might bring-- the long walk-- or the long kiss- might be the last-- so remember- there is always time for the "Last Time"  !!!