Christmas -- The Sickness

So all around town there has been a stomach bug flying rampid- ruining peoples holiday!!  I considered myself and my family lucky - we had not yet gotten the bug- and hopefully it had moved on - to torture another town -- maybe Rexburg??

I was wrong---
Thursday -- Chet called on his way home sick from work -- he had the bug-- ooh no!!

I went to pick up Porter after work -- and me and Porter-- being the kind considerate people we are-- stayed and lingered at JOdi's house-- hopefully allowing Chet to puke and sleep off his sickness (without infecting us) alone and in peace!!

So around 7:00 p.m. we headed home-- I arrived with gifts-- Ginger Ale-- the Stomach Bug's Cryptonite!!
Me and Porter were in the kitchen eating some wonderful pasta-- trying not to let the smell waft in and annoy Chet's already sensitive stomach--

I handed Chet a Ginger Ale-- assuring him it would help-- always helps me!!!
I went back in to eat with Porter-
This is what I heard next -- Pop-- (pop top opening on can)
Gulp Gulp
Stand up-
Run Run
O'Shit
Splash Splash-- Fire house sounds -- hitting the bathroom door -- Splash splash -- hitting the back of the shower
Splash splash -- hitting the bathroom floor
drip drop drip-- hitting the toilet--

I didn't have to see it-- I knew in my head what had happened-- Projectile Vomit! The worst kind-- it sneaks up on you  when you don't suspect it-- and no one's feet are fast enough to get away from it-- or usually make it to their puking destination!

Chet appeared a few minutes later- instructing me to not go near the bathroom == not even the door-- for a long time- Sure Thing--

about 30 minutes later - he appeared with a garbage bag full of toilet paper and paper towel-

Then the rugs from the bathroom -- then his clothes- all into the washer--  (on a side note-- the rugs are Red-- bright red-- his clothes-- were khaki in color-- well not so much any more- now they are kind of pink- but I'm working that out!!!)
The projectile vomit seemed to help-- he kind of perked up-- stoaked the fire- and even sat upright for a while before going to bed!!  Hooray!!
Christmas Eve came-- and all in the house felt well -- no puking- no diahreah-- noting-- I cheered quietly to myself-- we defeated the monster-- we beat it!!

Again -- I was wrong!  oooh Soo Wrong!!

Christmas Morning-- about 5:00 a.m. --I roll over to tell Chet -- "Wanna hear something sad" -- of course he did-- who doesn't want bad news on Christmas morning!!! -- "I'm sick-- my stomach hurts soo bad"

And I was sick-- I -- however-- am not soo much a puker-- as a pooper-!!

I spent the next hours- racing to the bathroom -- leaving my top button to my pants open for safety purposes- and not even eeking out one Merry Christmas FARt-- fearing it might be a poo in fart's clothing -- and I would have been right--

After hours of this-- my guts were wrecked- I had barely eaten any of my wonderful Christmas Morning Delicousness I had made (Baked French Toast)  -- and none of the wonderful goodies I had lying around- I just sat around -- waiting for the next round -- and it was never too far off!!

Finally -- I was empty -- My butt had the dry heaves-- I know weird right-- but it happened- just like puking dry heaves-- but the other end-- and it is about as fun as having a root canal-- (really who likes to dry heave no matter what end it is coming from!) HOnestly I might have to write into the journal of medicine and see if I have discovered something new- cuz this was the first time I'd have the Butt Heaves??  and no one has ever before said they had the Butt Heaves?

Luckily - this nasty bug-- as violent as it is while it visits-- doesn't stay for long-- and by about 5:00 p.m. that night-- I was feeling better-- I had taken some much needed ASS Blockers-- and even did up my top button of my pants -- while we went for a drive-- and they seemed to help-- although my guts still felt like someone had poured scalding hot chocolate down and shook it around -- making sure to coat each nook and cranny -- but that too seemed to subside after a day -- or two!!!

Me Eeking out a Christmas Smile-- looking awful-- feeling Awful-- but not wanting to give up on Porter's Christmas !!

The best thing though-- so far-- Porter has not gotten it-- I pray he doesn't !!!